I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
