Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
