Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize