I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
