I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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