btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
