i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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