He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
