its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
