pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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