i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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