Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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