And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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