the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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