I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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