I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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