We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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