I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
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that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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