I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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