he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
