Three words: puerto rican gang bang
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
