Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
