things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
