My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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