How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
