allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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