he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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