just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
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I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
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You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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