I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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