you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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