im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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