Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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