Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
