Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
