farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
