She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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