Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
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His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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