just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
