shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
