he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
