Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
