I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
