I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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