I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
