Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
