He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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