The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
