I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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