I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
