P.S. I can't hear my feet
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
