Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The power of my boobs compel you
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
