ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
