mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
