I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
