that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
