I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
