9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
