i permit you to call me
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
