Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
