College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
