If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
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Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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