In America we eat man semen.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
