these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
