You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
