I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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