I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
