i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
