So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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