he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
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I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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