Can i not drive my cunt home
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
