Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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