Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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