8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
