After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
