you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
